Tuesday, October 20, 2009

BOLLYWOOD MOVIES WITH MARATHI NAMES

IF THESE MOVIES WERE DUBBED IN MARATHI....

I am sure that you must have seen these movies:
KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI
MACHIS, HOLLOW MAN
DIE ANOTHER DAY
SUPERMAN
SCORPIO KING
THE MUMMY
THE MUMMY RETURNS

Now just scroll down and see what could be their names if you want to dubb them in Marathi and relaunch



KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI............. KASATARI HOTAY

MACHIS................................................. KADIPETI

KAUN THI.......................KON HOTI RE TI

HOLLOW MAN..........................POKAL MANUS

DIE ANOTHER DAY................NANTAR KADHITARI MAR

GONE WITH THE WIND.............GELA UDAT

SUPERMAN....................... LAI BHARI MANUS

SCORPIO KING ...................TATYA VINCHU

THE MUMMY .........................AAI

&

THE MUMMY RETURNS..............AAI PARAT AALI

NEWTON'S LAWS OF ROMANCE




Newton in romantic mood......



Universal law:


"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer

from


One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "





First law:


"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl

in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless

any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and

break the legs of the boy. "




Second law:


"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is

directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and

the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the

bank balance. "




Third law:


"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and

opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap.


BENEFITS OF DRINKING

A Common message to everyone who says drinking is bad. Here are the advantages of each brand that people drink.

DCSL EXTRA SPECIAL

Protects your heart

prevents constipation

Blocks diarrhea

Improves lung capacity

Cushions joints

WHITE DIAMOND

Combats cancer

Controls blood pressure

Saves your eyesight

Shields against Alzheimer's

Slows aging process

BLUE LABEL

Aids digestion

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Guards against liver disease

DOUBLE DISTILLED

Battles diabetes

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

OLD RESERVE

Protects your heart

Quiets a cough

Strengthens bones

Controls blood pressure

Blocks diarrhea

RITZ

Prevents constipation

Helps hemorrhoids

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Stabilizes blood sugar

RICHORT

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Protects your heart

Aids weight loss

HANNEPIER

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Boosts memory

Prevents constipation

FRANKLIN

Strengthens bones

Saves eyesight

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

VSO

Combats cancer

Prevents constipation

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Helps hemorrhoids

GALLERY

Saves eyesight

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Supports immune system

RED RUM

Saves eyesight

Protects your heart

Prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Promotes weight loss

DARK RUM

Protects against Prostate Cancer

Combats Breast Cancer

Strengthens bones

Banishes bruises

Guards against heart disease

HANSEN

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Ends insomnia

Slows aging process

Shields against Alzheimer's

BLACK WHITE

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

RED LABEL

Aids digestion

Soothes sore throat

Clears sinuses

Combats Cancer

Boosts immune system

BLACK LABEL

Promotes weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

GOLD LABEL

Protects your heart

Boosts memory

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Supports immune system

CHIVAS REGAL

Aids digestion

Battles diabetes

Protects your heart

Improves mental health

Boosts immune system

GRANTS

Lowers cholesterol

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

kills bacteria

Fights fungus

GREEN LABEL

Protects against heart attacks

Promotes Weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

REMUS MARTIN

saves eyesight

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Enhances blood flow

Protects your heart

V&A

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Helps stops strokes

Promotes Weight loss

Kills bacteria

NAPOLEON

Heals wounds

Aids digestion

Guards against ulcers

Increases energy

Fights allergies

MENDIS

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

LEMON GIN

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

ORANGE GIN

Combats cancer

Boosts memory

Regulates thyroid

aids digestion

Shields against Alzheimer's

WHITE GIN

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Kills bacteria

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

DRY GIN

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

prevents constipation

Smoothes skin

CLASIC RUM

Protects your heart

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

Smoothes skin

VODKA

Reduce risk of heart attack

Combats cancer

Kills bacteria

Lowers cholesterol

Fights fungus

SMIRNOFF

Supports immune systems

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Straightens respiration

GALETINE

prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

aids digestion

Helps hemorrhoids

GOLD COIN

Protects against heart disease

Promotes Weight loss

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Aggravates
diverticulitis

BACARDI

Strengthens bones

Relieves colds

Aids digestion

Dissolves warts

Blocks diarrhea

WHITE RUM

Slows aging process

prevents constipation

boosts memory

Lowers cholesterol

Protects against heart disease

ILICITY ARACK

Protects your heart

Battles diabetes

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

POT ARRACK

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

1 LINE HUMOUR

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Overconfidence

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.


The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,


"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.


The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."




"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.


The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.


"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
.
.
.
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Funny Story - WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY


Presenting one more small & funny story...
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up onthat morning..
I went downstairs for breakfasthoping my wife would be pleasant and say,'Happy Birthday!',and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,she barely said good morning,let alone ' Happy Birthday.'
I thought....
Well, that's marriage for you,but the kids...They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfastand didn't say a word..So when I left for the office,I felt pretty lowand somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,my secretary Jane said,'Good Morning Boss,and by the wayHappy Birthday ! 'It felt a little betterthat at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,when Jane knocked on my doorand said, 'You know,It's such a beautiful day outside,and it is your Birthday,what do you say we go out to lunch,just you and me..'I said, 'Thanks, Jane,that's the greatest thingI've heard all day.Let's go !'
We went to lunch.But we didn't gowhere we normally would go.She chose instead at a quiet bistrowith a private table.We had two martinis eachand I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,Jane said, 'You know,It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office,Do We ?'
I responded,'I guess not.What do you have in mind ?'She said,'Let's drop by my apartment,it's just around the corner..'
After arriving at her apartment,Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind,I'm going to step into the bedroomfor just a moment.I'll be right back.''Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,after a couple of minutes,she came outcarrying a huge birthday cake ...Followedby my wife,my kids,and dozens of my friendsand co-workers,all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch... Naked.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

FOUR WIVES

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.
He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.
Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.
One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me.. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"
Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.
Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Moral : Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives
A. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

B. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

C. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

D. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.



Guess what?
It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.
Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.

19th wife
a reliable wife
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Thursday, February 12, 2009

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) GOVT. : What are you doing?
INDIAN : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) GOVT. : What are you doing in Business?
INDIAN : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) GOVT. : From where are you getting Goods?
INDIAN : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) GOVT. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
INDIAN : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

5) GOVT. : How do you distribute profit ?
INDIAN : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

6) GOVT. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
INDIAN : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

7) GOVT. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

8) GOVT. : Do you have Staff?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

9) GOVT. : Doing business in Millions?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
INDIAN : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

10) GOVT. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
INDIAN : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

11) GOVT.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
INDIAN : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

12) GOVT.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

13) GOVT.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

14) GOVT.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
INDIAN : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

15) GOVT.: Do you have any Wealth?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

16) GOVT..: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
INDIAN : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

17) GOVT.: Have you purchased House?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

18) GOVT.: How you Travel?
INDIAN : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

19) GOVT.: Any Additional Tax?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE
CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

20) GOVT.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) INDIAN : can i die now??
GOVT : Wait! we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX!!!

LESSONS TO BE LEARNT FROM MARWADIS


God & Marwadi...!!

A Marwadi having no child, no money, no home, and have a blind mother, prays to God.


God being happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish!

Marwadi : I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child's hands in our new home!

God : Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Marwadi's

Lessons learnt from the above story:-Compile all requirements and present in one line rather boring appraiser for long time.


He Asked Symonds

He Asked Hayden

He Asked Kaif Too

At Last got frm Harbhajan

At Last got frm Harbhajan

Thanks Bhajji

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