CLASSIFIEDS: WANTED WIFE

A news paper had a humour page with following matrimonials published in it.

BANKER:

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

CAR MECHANIC:

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.

DOCTOR:

Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage.

I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

DRUNKER:

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home.

Friends come home only seven times a week.
Girl preffered will carry me from bar to ghar-bar.
Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

LAWYER:

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage.
The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl.
The girl should be strictly a girl.
The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord I.
Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

SOFTWARE ENGINEER

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities) .

There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her.

LowBugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

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BELIEVING IN PRAYERS

In a small town in India, a person decided to open up his Bar business,
which was right opposite to the Temple. The Temple its congregation
started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to
open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt
to the ground.

The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the
paperwork,

'we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer

and

we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't.'

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GUARDIAN ANGEL

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?

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CREDIT CARD OF FATHER

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand..

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
' Ladies and Gentlemen . Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . .
But not the poor Groom ! ! !


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PLEASE SUGGEST TITLE FOR THIS PICTURE

Please have a look at the image below.
It is a very important image and will test all of you.

What you have to do is give a title for this....

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EQUATION OF MAN & WOMAN

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work.
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Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Men = Donkry + earn money
Therefore:
Men-earn money = Donkey
In other words
Men who d'nt earn mony = Donkey

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Equation 3

Women= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Women = Donkey + spend
Women - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Women who don't spend = Donkey

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To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend
So Men earn money not to let women become donkey!
And women spend not to let men become donkey!
So, We have:
Men + Women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

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