If Bollywood Stars work in Call center

If Bollywood Film star work for call centers........ Imagine the calls.


Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.


.

Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna



Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!




Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa



Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...


Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.


Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..


Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...



Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega....



Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai



Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle



Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...




And at last ..................Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkCustomer hung up the phone..



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Sharing is Sexy
|

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS - CONTEST

There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life" and the final three incidents are ...

Third Place.........A Boy of 18 Years
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!". My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment, for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

Second Prize ............A lady.......!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee (dick) last night!". The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me was the screams of laughter.

And the Winner Is..............Student and Teacher..........?

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"



PLEASE ALL EMBARRASSING MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE. LETS SEE IF YOU CAN BEAT THESE WINNERS.

LETS LAUGH-REAL LIFE JOKES

Reading Jokes is something good and everyone of us love to read jokes on SMS or email and many places. The only reason I started this blog is just to give you an opportunity to find all the latest jokes(Veg & Non-Veg) at one place.
So, keep reading and Laughing.

Ladki ki T-shirt par bani billi ko dekh, ladka gurrane laga.

Girl: Kyo.Kabhi BILLI nahi dekhi kya?

Boy: Billi to dekhi, Par dudh ki rakhwali karnewali pahlibar dekhi.


Amir and Kajol in blue film:

Mere lu.. ko teri tango ke bich panah mil jaye,

Tujhe mai itna chodu ki teri ch… Fanna ho jaye…


Shop ke bahar board: “Sale Sale Sale Underwear sirf Rs.1000”

Customer to shopkeeper: Ye underwear itni mahangi kyon hai, iski kya guarantee hai.

Shopkeeper: Ise pahno, phir samnewali building par chadh jao.

Customer chadh gaya .

Shpkeeper: Ab niche dekho. Gan… Phati naa..

Customer: Haa.. phati.

Shopkeeper: Lekin Underwear nahi phati….


Teen Sardars talking about AIDS:

1st: Mai to kabhi condom ke bina karta nahi.

2nd: Mai to ungali me bhi condom pahnata hun.

3rd: Mai to bilkul risk nahi leta. Padosise karwata hun.

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underware'
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.

On a political rally sardar was arrested. Why??? A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..

When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board " WASH BASIN "

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Sardar declares:

.... . . I will never marry in my life&. . ..

.... . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. .

=========================================

SARDAR talking on cell.

2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.

1ST: biwi se.....

2ND: itne... pyar se....?

1ST: tumhari hai. . .

==========================================

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away

sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &

said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

==========================================

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta's wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

======================================

sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml

now it's 1.5 ltr.

===================================

On Jeeto's bday

Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.

======================================

teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times

sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

====================================

Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....

==========================================

Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up wen he comes.!!..
******************************************************

Sardar declares:

.... . . I will never marry in my life&. . ..

.... . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. .

=========================================

SARDAR talking on cell.

2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.

1ST: biwi se.....

2ND: itne... pyar se....?

1ST: tumhari hai. . .

==========================================

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away

sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &

said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

==========================================

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta's wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour
======================================

sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml

now it's 1.5 ltr.

===================================

On Jeeto's bday

Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank

manager.

======================================

teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times

sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

====================================

Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....

==========================================

Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up wen he comes.!!..

**************************************
Secret of long life...
Morning 2 eggs
Evening 2 pegs and
Night 2 legs
************************************************************************
Girl to Mom: when I see the neighbor's son, my bra tightens.
Mom: Next time, don't wear the bra, his pant would tighten
************************************************************************
A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady
pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping
him he says, "I'd like 99 condoms please".
With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, "99 Condoms!?! Fuck
me!"
The guy replies, "Make it 100 then..."
***********************************************************************
What similar things would you want in your coffee and girl friend?
Should be hot
Should be rich
Should be creamy
Should be able to keep you awake all night!
************************************************************************
Santa: Have you ever fucked your girlfriend in the other hole?
Banta: Are you mad? She'll get pregnant
************************************************************************
Q:What's the biggest tragedy in the movie Sholay?
A: Well, first of all the Thakur's wife dies & then to make matter worse
Gabbar cut off Thakur's hand
************************************************************************
A prostitute goes to a Bank to deposit a 1000 rupee note. The teller
says,'Sorry Madam, the note is a fake.
''Oh my God! exclaimed the prostitute,'I have been raped.'
************************************************************************
Prostitute: doc, my hole is too big.
Doctor looks into the hole & says GOD...GOD...GOD...
Prostitute: Why are you repeating the word God?
Doctor: It was an ECHO!
************************************************************************
Doc: Why your knees all blistered ? Lady: Because of doggy style sex!
Doc: Can't you do it any other style? Lady: Oh, I can, Doc, but the dog
can't!
************************************************************************
One day a man goes to bank for withdrawing cash.
Lady cashier asked: So so ke loge?
Man replied: Khade khade bhi chalega.
************************************************************************
A Girl lodging a FIR report against the Rapist
Girl : Inspector saab, char mein ek ne mere breast pakde,
ek ne meri gand mari,
ek ne choda,
ek ne chooma.
Inspector : Bus kar, FIR likha rahi hai....
Ya land khada kar rahi hai.
************************************************************************
A lady lost 3 panties in her house.
She asked her husband but he didn't know.
Husband asked maid.
Maid replied: Saab, aapko to maloom hai mai aandar kuchh nahi pahanti.
************************************************************************
Man went to a bakery & asks
MAN : Abe pau hai kya?
BAKERYWALA : To kya madarchod, lund pe khada hu kya?
************************************************************************
Lady dashes a man while getting in the bus ....
Man : Apne santre sambhaliye ma'm, they disturb me.
Lady : (Angrily) Tumko kya, santre mere hai na.
Man : Haan par juice to mera nikal raha hai.
************************************************************************
Saas aur bahu me hamesha anban kyo?
Kyonki jis ladke ki underwear saas ne 25 saal sambhali Who bahu ne 2 minute
me utari.
************************************************************************
Teacher: Kya cheez muh mein nahin leni chahiye.
Student: Jalta hua bulb
Teacher: Why ?
Student: kal raat ko mummy papa se keh rdhi thi "Bulb bujha do to muh mein
loongi"
************************************************************************
Sardar : How u got pregnant without me?
Wife : I was praying ur ID photo daily.
Sardar : Chutiya banati hai, photo to passport size ka hai, samaan kahan
hai?
************************************************************************
Sardar with big tummy go for walk in lungi.
One girl jokingly ask : Ye matka kitne ka?
He lift lungi & says : Nul ke saath 450 ka.
************************************************************************
sardar havin sex with his wife when his condom went in.
wife asked: Ab kya hoga?
Sardar: kuchh nahi, bachcha pagdi ke saath aaega.
************************************************************************
Sardar : Maine ladka maanga tha ladki kaise ho gayi?
Sardarni : Tumhare bharose rahati to ye bhi nahi hoti.
***********************************************************************
Sardar : Lets try something different. Do it in ears.
Sardarni : Hohji, main behra ho gayi to?
Sardar : Aaj tak goongi hui kya?
************************************************************************
(A man visits his doctor and.....)
Man : Doc, mera khada nahi hota hai.
Doctor : do u have girlfriend?
Man : No
Doctor : Do u visit pros?
Man : No
Doctor : Do u go for mujra?
Man : No
Doctor : To khada karke uspar kya coat taangega?
************************************************************************
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary
to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down
(drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside
the
wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
************************************************************************************

Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall
outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is
pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.
************************************************************************************

Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an
Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the
x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.
************************************************************************************
Interviewer: How do y! ou start a synchronous
mo! tor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising
pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling
pitch)
************************************************************************************

Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an
integrated
circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
************************************************************************************
External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC
but allow
AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- ,
OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------,
and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP
DOWN and
jumps right over the
capacitor!"
************************************************************************************
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric
poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down
transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transformer that is put
in the
x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a
transformer that i! s
installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

**************************************************************************************************************


TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
************************************************************************************

Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass
transfer operations throughout the class
************************************************************************************

The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion
couldn't be possible)
************************************************************************************
Top two Engineering Rumours:
! Did you hear the results are being put up today at
5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks
************************************************************************************
The most dreaded acronym for Engineers: ATKT ( After
Trying Keep Trying)
************************************************************************************
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'What is this pal, 60% of the paper was out of the
syllabus' 'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'
************************************************************************************
mere... Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain Aur lonely hain...
Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain...

Shayad mere pyar ko taste Karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye..

Tumhare samne hain itney items Kabhi hame bhi pick karo...
Hamare pyar ke ICON pe Kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo...

Roz subha hum karte hai Itne pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain Jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS...

Ho gayi galti humse, Click ho gaya mouse
Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!

Tumse mila main kal to, Mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili To kehti ho: Your file not found!

Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if"
Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif

Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don ' t likeyour face
Par dil ke computer mein, Nahin hai enough disk space

Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab, Pehen ke evening gown
Too many requests se, Ho jaata hai server down

Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application, Create main karoonga
Tum usse debug karna, Wait main karoonga

Tumhaara intezaar karte karte, Main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection, Time out ho gaya

Kya chaal hai tumhaari, Jaise chalti hai koi cat
What is your ICQ number, Aao karein chat

Tum jabse meri zindagi, mein aayi ho banke female,
Yaad raha na ab kuch, Na postman , Na e-Mail

Joh sadiyaon se hota aaya hai Woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey Ctrl+Alt+Delete kar doonga...

Humse Kya Khata Hui Ki message Aanna Band Hai.......
Aap hi humse naraz hain ya Web Server band hai.......

Badli hai duniya , kuchch mein bhi badal gaya hoon
Pahle bekaar tha ab S/W Programmer ban gaya hoon

VC aaye to VB mein daal do,
VC aaye to VB mein daal do
seedhe seedhe sabko museebat mein daal do

Project extend ho gaya to kya ho jaata hai?
Are Tankha milti hai aur timepass ho jata hai..

teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
kabhi offline to kabhi online piya

Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Laila ghar mein aur majnoo project testing kar rahe hote hai

*******************************************************
*******************************************************


This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month in
Chandigarh . Her name was Priya. She was hit by a truck.
She was work in g in a call center. She had a boy friend named Shankar.
Both of them were true lovers. They always talked on the phone.
You used to be never found without her without handphone. In fact she also
changed her cell connection from
Airtel to Hutch, so that both of them can
be on the same network, and save on the cost.

She used to spend half of the day talk in g with shankar.
Priya's family knew about their relationship.. Shankar was very close to
Priya's family as well. (Just
imag in e their
love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends 'If I pass away
please burn me with my handphone' she also said the same th in g to her
parents.

After her death, people cudnt carry her body, A lot of them tried to do so

but still cant everybody had tried to carry the body, the results were the
same. Eventually, they called a person known to one of their neighbours, who
can speak with the soul of dead person and who was a friend of her father.

He took a stick and
started speak in g to himself slowly.

After a few m in utes, he said 'this girl misses someth in g here.' Then her
friends told that person about her in tentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and sim card in side the
casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It was then moved easily
and they then carried her in to the van.

All of us were shocked. Priya's parents did not in form Shankar that Priya
had passed away..



After 2 weeks Shankar
called Priya's mom.......

Shankar :....'Aunty, I'm com in g home today. Cook someth in g nice for me.
Don't tell Priya that I'm com in g home today, I wanna surprise her.'
Her mother replied..... 'You come home first, I wanna tell you someth in g
very
important.'

After he came, they told him the truth about Priya.
Shankar th in ks
that they were play in g a fool. He was laugh in g and said 'don't try to fool
me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her... Please stop this nonsense'.

Then they show him the orig in al death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) He
said... 'Its not true. We spoke yesterday.. She still calls me.
Shankar was shak in g.

Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. 'see this is from Priya, see this....'
he showed the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to answer. he
talked us in g the loudspeaker mode.

All of them heard his conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross l in es, no humm in g.

It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her sim
card s in ce it is nailed in side the grave box

They were so shocked and asked
for the same person's
(who can speak with the soul of deal persons) help aga in . He brought his
master to solve this matter.

He & his master

worked for 5 hours.

Then they discovered one th in g which really shocked them....

Vodafone has the best coverage.

'Where ever you go, our network follows!!!'

===========================================================
A BIHARI WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna ( Bihar).
At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this 'Ha ppy event' happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, 'What name will you give to the son?'
The man explained,
'If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be 'DWIVEDI';

If it is the third neighbour then it would be 'TRIVEDI',

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be 'CHATURVEDI';

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be 'PANDEY'...
After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
'Then the boy would be named 'MISHRA'...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be 'SHARMA'...

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be 'GUPTA'...

If she does not remember the name then?
'It is YAAD-AV'

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named 'DOSHI'...

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named 'JOSHI'...

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
'DESHPANDEY.'

(blonde jokes, clean jokes, jokes com, short jokes, adult jokes, phone jokes, racist jokes, birthday jokes, lawyer jokes, hilarious jokes, humor jokes, funniest jokes, bush jokes, bad jokes, bar jokes, jokes one liners, polish jokes, sms jokes, sexist jokes, funny dirty jokes, office humor,story jokes)

Santa to Doctor: I have loose motions & I am not able to stop it.
Doctor: did you try lemon ?
Santa : yes , but whn i remove it , it starts again ….

Definition of Kiss
In GEOMETRY- Kiss is a shortest distance between two lips in 90 degree angle
In Economics - Kiss is the thing for which Demand is always higher than supply
In Physics - kiss is a process to charge body for other transmission
In I T - Kiss is just like a bluethooth in which 2 bodies are connected without any data cable

Sharing is Sexy
|

RULES & TIPS FOR GOOD HEALTH

BELOW ARE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT HEALTH(& FITNESS) AND THEIR RESPECTIVE ANSWERS.

READ COMPLETE DETAILS IN THIS BLOG AND WRITE UR COMMENTS WITH MORE TIPS TO BE HEALTHY...

Qn: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?
Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour's walk, at least five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking

4. Control weight
5. Control blood pressure and sugar

Qn: Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?
Ans: No.

Qn: It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?
Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Qn: Are heart diseases hereditary?
Ans: Yes

Qn: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?
Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

Qn: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?
Ans: Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints .

Qn: You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?
Ans: Mother Theresa , who was my patient.

Qn: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?
Ans: Extremely rare

Qn: Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age
(I'm currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?
Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Qn: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart ?
Ans: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body's enzyme release for digestion gets confused.

Qn: How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?
Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

Qn: Can yoga prevent heart ailments?
Ans: Yoga helps.

Qn: Which is the best and worst food for the heart?
Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and the worst is oil.

Qn: Which oil is better - groundnut, sunflower, olive?
Ans: All oils are bad .

Qn: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?
Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Qn: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?
Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position , place an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to a coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Qn: How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?
Ans: Extremely difficult without ECG.

Qn: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.
Ans: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, edentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Qn: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?
Ans: Yes.

Qn: Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?
Ans : Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may not have a software engineer as a child

Qn: Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay late nights in office. Does this affect our heart ? What precautions would you recommend?
Ans : When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as you grow older, respect the biological clock.

Qn: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short / long term)?
Ans : Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Qn: Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Qn: Are asthma patients more prone to heart disease?
Ans : No.

Qn: How would you define junk food?
Ans : Fried food like Kentucky , McDonalds , samosas, and even masala dosas.

Qn: You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food?
Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.

Qn: Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?
Ans : No.

Qn: Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we see a lot of forwarded emails on this)?
Ans : Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.

Qn: Do, in any way, low white blood cells and low hemoglobin count lead to heart problems?
Ans : No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.

Qn: Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?
Ans : Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot.

Qn: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?
Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Qn: What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart operation?
Ans : Diet, exercise, drugs on time , Control cholesterol, BP, weight.

Qn: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?
Ans : No.

Qn: What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?
Ans : There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to
reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Qn: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Qn: Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?
Ans: Nature protects women till the age of 45.

Qn: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?
Ans : Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkup s if you are past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended) ...
(health, women's health, womens health, health and fitness, health articles, health and wellness, health alliance, health food store, public health, banner health, health clubs, sport and health, health promotion, good health, health spa, wellness, healthy)

MOST COSTLIST THINGS IN THE WORLD

Most expensive cocktail: 15,250 pounds a pop
The world's most expensive cocktail contains a diamond ring instead of an olive! The drink, created by Harvey Nichols in Manchester, has to be escorted to diner's tables flanked by security guards. The dazzle cocktail contains a six and a half carrot pink tourmaline and diamond ring set in 18-carrot white gold. The drink was the brainchild of senior bartender Jay Malik, 24, who was asked to devise a drink to fit with the restaurant's Pink Dinners month. A special safe has been brought in for the bar to keep the rings in and customers can choose any ring they want from the range - the most expensive being a 27,000 pounds sterling two-carrot engagement ring. cocktail list, cocktail book, cocktail server, cocktail history, rum cocktail, gin cocktail, cocktails drinks, bloody mary cocktail, frozen cocktail, zombie drink, cocktail drinks, cocktail ingredients, popular cocktails, vesper cocktail, tequila cocktails.

Most expensive shoes: 1 million pounds
Would you feel like a princess or what when you wear something worth 1m pounds? The most expensive shoes in the world were on sale at Harrods in London. After a photo-call for the press, the shoes were locked away in a bullet-proof case where they will be guarded round-the-clock. The shoes, inspired by the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz, were woven from platinum thread and set with 642 rubies. They were designed by Stuart Weitzman. (earth spirit shoes, colin stuart shoes, miu miu shoes, vaneli shoes, unisa shoes, wolky shoes, airwalk shoes, taryn rose shoes, taryn rose shoes, j renee shoes, kenzie shoes, mezlan shoes, discount shoe, delman shoesshiekh shoes, soft spot shoes, two lips shoes, formal shoes.)

Most expensive hair cut: 1,925 pounds
If you want London stylist Lee Stafford to cut your hair, make sure you are extra loaded. He calls it a "couture cut". And the only place where you can get one is his house. Champagne, hors d'oeuvres and a follow-up trim as part of the package.

Most expensive house: 70 million pounds
This one is hardly a secret: The infamously lavish new estate in England known as Updown Court in Windlesham, north Surrey. 103 rooms, 58 acres, a private helipad, five swimming pools. Forbes.com put the mansion at the top of its list of "the priciest residences on the planet" which are for sale. (bright house, white house, full house, random house, find new house, house buyers, house buyers)

Most expensive tea bag: 7,500 pounds
To celebrate PG Tips 75th birthday, Boodles jewelers produced this tea bag. It took three months to make and has been hand-crafted using 280 diamonds. Pete Harbour, spokesman for PG Tips has been quoted: "As it's our 75th birthday, we wanted to do something special to remind people just how much they love the great British cup of tea." (tea paper, tea paper, herb tea, ginseng tea)

Most expensive jeans: Over $ 4,000
They wanted to be "the Mercedes-Benz, the Maybach of the denim industry". And APO jeans have done just that with a pair costing as much as $ 4,000 or more. They offer mens and ladies jeans with Silver Buttons and Rivets at $1,000, 14k White or Yellow Gold Button and Rivets at $1,500, Platinum Button and Rivets at $3,250, and the Diamond Button and Rivets start at $4,000. All Jeans will come with Authenticity Number as well as an Appraisal Sheet from a top Jeweler in the NY diamond district. Of course, you could buy the economy version: they run only $1,000 a pair. APO jeans are constructed from denim woven in India that costs $40 a yard, compared with the $2- to $3-per-yard cost of materials for most designer denim. Buttons and rivets are made with precious metals or, if a customer is willing to shell out $4,000 or more, up to a dozen white diamonds on the main button.(expensive jeans, expensive clothing brands, expensive clothing designers, expensive clothing, expensive pants, expensive designer jeans, expensive clothes, womens jeans, fashion jeans, teen jeans, luxury jeans)

Most expensive watch: $11 million
One of the most complicated watches ever made, it also became the most expensive watch ever sold when it was hammered down for $11 million at Sotheby's.
The gold pocket watch features 24 complications, (Complications are mechanical functions of the watch other than the hours, minutes and seconds.)

Most expensive phone: 28, 000 pounds
Peter Aloisson, who makes phones covered in gold and diamonds for affluent clients, is the man responsible for making the most expensive phone ever. It costs more than a BMW 3-series convertible, or a Jaguar S-Type. A Motorola covered in 1200 diamonds and featuring a keyboard soaked in 18-carat gold, the phone is priced at 28, 000 pound sterling. The new phone beat the previous record held by another Aloisson 'Diamante' phone - an identical model featuring a paltry 950 diamonds laid into the gold bodywork. That phone retailed for 23, 000 pound sterling. "The people who buy my phones don't have to worry about security - they all have bodyguards," he told UK tabloid The Sun.

Most expensive nail polish: $250
How special could you feel by wearing sheer nail polish that has platinum dust in it? And how many people would be mad enough to do that? Many! The 'I Do' polish, the most expensive in the world, is a collaboration by Allure magazine, platinum supplier Johnson Matthey, PGI and Essie Cosmetics. The polish costs $250 per bottle. However, the first bottle was displayed in special bottle made with a platinum top and base that is valued at $55,000.

Most expensive tie: 1 crore
When fully dressed Salman Khan paraded on a red ramp displaying the most expensive tie in the world, the picture was splashed all over the globe. The tie, studded with 261 diamonds of 77 carat each and made of pure silk with 150 grams of gold, is priced at a whopping Rs 1 crore. It is designed by Satya Paul and the Suashish Diamond group.

Most expensive perfume: 47,500 pounds
At 47,500 pound sterling, it is the world's most expensive perfume. Indeed, the best things come in small packages. The fragrance, created by renowned British perfumer Arthur Burnham, is held in a 4 in bottle made with platinum, 24 carat gold, rubies and diamonds.
Encasing the bottle is a very special box constructed by Rolls-Royce coach builders, locked with a gold and jewel-studded key. Inspired by the Rolls-Royce Phantom Six, it is called Parfum VI. Who pays pounds 47,500 for a bottle of perfume? Michael Jackson has ordered two and Mike Tyson three. Only 173 are being made.

Most expensive pen: $265,000
Swiss company Caran d'Ache made 'La Modernista Diamonds' a pen that was sold in Harrods, London, for $265,000. Created in memory of architect Antonio Gaudi, the rhodium-coated solid silver pen has an 18-karat gold pen point and is pave-set with 5,072 diamonds and 96 half-cut rubies.

Most expensive work of art: $104 million
A masterpiece by Pablo Picasso, painted in 1905 when he was just 24 years old, became the most expensive piece of art ever sold when it went under the hammer at Sotheby's in New York for $104m. The painting, Garcon a la Pipe (Boy with a Pipe) is one of the most important early works by the artist ever to appear on the market.
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LAWS OF LIFE(life quotes, life expectancy, tree of life, life magazine,life purpose, young life)

1. Love Is The Law Of Life: All love is expansion, all selfishness is
contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves
lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore, love for love's sake,
because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live.

2. It's Your Outlook That Matters: It is our own mental attitude,
which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things
beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our
own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light.

3. Life is Beautiful: First, believe in this world - that there is
meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy
and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you do not
understand it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

4. It's The Way You Feel: Feel like Christ and you will be a Christ;
feel like Buddha and you will be a Buddha. It is feeling that is the
life, the strength, and the vitality, without which no amount of
intellectual activity can reach God.

5. Set Yourself Free: The moment I have realized God sitting in the
temple of every human body, the moment I stand in reverence before
every human being and see God in him - that moment I am free from
bondage, everything that binds vanishes, and I am free.

6. Don't Play The Blame Game: Condemn none: if you can stretch out a
helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your
brothers, and let them go their own way.

7. Help Others: If money helps a man to do well to others, it is of
some value; but if not, it is simply a mass of evil, and the sooner it
is got rid of, the better.

8. Uphold Your Ideals: Our duty is to encourage every one in his
struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same
time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth.

9. Listen To Your Soul: You have to grow from the inside out. None can
teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but
your own soul.

10. Be Yourself.

ASSUMPSIONS

Assumptions are essential. Without them, we would be paralyzed by the need to think through every little detail of life. We depend heavily on our assumptions, so it is important that they be accurate. Often we become so accustomed to and familiar with our assumptions that we rarely even think to question them.
Yet conditions change. People change. You change. The world changes. You may still be acting on assumptions you originally developed years ago. There's a good chance that many no longer hold true.life, life quotes, life expectancy, tree of life, life magazine, life magazine, life purpose, young life, grounded for life, life lessons, abundant life, life sucks, lifes
What have you done lately to examine and challenge your assumptions? Like a ship's anchor, your assumptions can keep you steady and stable. Yet if a ship is to be useful, it must sail. To do that the anchor must be regularly raised and the sails unfurled.
If you hold too firmly to your assumptions, you're likely to get stuck in one place. Make it a point to regularly challenge those assumptions. Some will survive the challenge and continue to prove valuable. Others you'll find you need to discard. Free yourself from worn-out assumptions, keep your thinking fresh, and move your life forward.