FUNNY TELE-CONVERSATION

Note : The Conversation in the brackets {} contain the words which the guy is speaking to himself!!! She gives a missed call to him … and He calls her back… She: Hello! RAJ PUROHIT He: {are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi } Hi ...kya baat hai..? She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya... RAJ PUROHIT He: {Aise hee ??? Yeh kya Radio Station hai ki aise hee ...!! Aur Call kahan kiya ?... khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah...} oh....ok ..kya kar rahi thi ?? She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the? He: {mai to lunch karke utha hoon na} Mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon" sun raha hu FM par.... She: nice song… (And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum") He: {Yaaaaaaaaarrrrr …kyun bola gaane ka naam .. Ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen} Hey!!!! Tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha .. She: * giggles * RAJ PUROHIT He: {Ohhhho kya hansti hai .... aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai} Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls! She: Yehan sab so rahe hai... Agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge… He: {Ekdum Correct....woh yehi samjhenge ki koi paagal, kisi baat par naraaz ho gayi hai ....} Come on! Please! She: Hattt ...I don't sing that well He: {Yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai } It was really sweet. Please gaao na dear … She: Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan … RAJ PUROHIT He: {mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phir bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon} Aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na He: {mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola} A bhi tum gaaogi ya nahi ? She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho? He: Acchha ! Ok Nahi karta She: I don't have that great a voice .... ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati He: {Fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati … kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai... saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke…} hmmmm She: Theek hai.... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek hai?? He: {Abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt … aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi…} Great!!!! She: kaunsa gaana gaau ? RAJ PUROHIT He: {Tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai…} Hmmmm… 'Mahiya' from Awarapan? She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai He: {Thank God ..... Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ...} Dhoom Machale? She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi He: {Aye tere nakhre ... mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye Shakira … koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai} Cool (She clears her throat, hums a line and then) She: Nahi jaan… I am feeling very shy! He: {Tu shuru kyun hoti hai … ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi... ab kya Eden Gardens book karun, tab gayegi} Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon She: dekho....ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho … He: {Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya} No no... Tum shy feel kar rahi ho na..... is liye... Trying to make u comfortable … She: Hmmm… He : {Ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi} Please gaao na darling.... She: Main kal gaaun? He: {Haaaaaannnn. ..jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai} Theek hai jaisi tumhaari merzi She: Hmmm He: Good night She: Good night She: Sweet Dreams… Take care... He: Sweets dreams to u too... {kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams …abhi 2 minute mein fir call karegi} After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a missed call) She: Hey… so gaye the kya? He: {Nahiii...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...} Nahi jaan She: kya kar rahe ho? He: {Raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai...} Match dekh raha tha She: Theek hai tum match dekho He: {phone rakhegi to dekhunga na... ya tu running commentary sunayegi} Hey it's ok... purana match hai She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing? (Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while) He: {Bad eh? Crazy girl... this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing} Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting… { maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya ... dhatttt tereki L } She sings 1 stanza from the song 'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....' He: Wow. Too good! She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai He: {Saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon... pagal kar diya... chalo shukr hai self realization hai ... J } Nahi darling you really sing well She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho He: {Very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun} Cheee! Cheee! teri voice agar itni buri hoti to main kya ab tak na sun raha hota She: Hmmmm...theek hai.. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao… He: {A chcha mil gayi permission ... waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab . ..} Good night! She: Take care He: You too She: Hey.... RAJ PUROHIT He: {A rr re yaar.. aaj ye nahi ch h odegi} kya hai sweety? She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi... He: {T u apni voice record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki } sachchi.... Of course. She: sirf jhoot He: {Iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol… } Not at all. You sing very well… She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night. He: Good Night!!

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A story on APPRAISALS

It's Appraisal Time !

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the station.

At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around.

With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it.

There was blood all over the body which was lying face down.

It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age.

Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind.

Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it.

With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy.

The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.

I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors.

Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!!

My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed....

My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"...

As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there

with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand.

I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter...

Hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials.

This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second.

The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name....

It was me who was dead there!!!!!!!!

While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... Splash!!!

Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying,

"wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

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BOLLYWOOD MOVIES WITH MARATHI NAMES

IF THESE MOVIES WERE DUBBED IN MARATHI....

I am sure that you must have seen these movies:
KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI
MACHIS, HOLLOW MAN
DIE ANOTHER DAY
SUPERMAN
SCORPIO KING
THE MUMMY
THE MUMMY RETURNS

Now just scroll down and see what could be their names if you want to dubb them in Marathi and relaunch



KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI............. KASATARI HOTAY

MACHIS................................................. KADIPETI

KAUN THI.......................KON HOTI RE TI

HOLLOW MAN..........................POKAL MANUS

DIE ANOTHER DAY................NANTAR KADHITARI MAR

GONE WITH THE WIND.............GELA UDAT

SUPERMAN....................... LAI BHARI MANUS

SCORPIO KING ...................TATYA VINCHU

THE MUMMY .........................AAI

&

THE MUMMY RETURNS..............AAI PARAT AALI

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NEWTON'S LAWS OF ROMANCE

Newton in romantic mood......

Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer

from

One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law:

"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl

in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless

any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and

break the legs of the boy. "

Second law:

"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is

directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and

the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the

bank balance. "

Third law:

"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and

opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap.

BENEFITS OF DRINKING

A Common message to everyone who says drinking is bad. Here are the advantages of each brand that people drink.

DCSL EXTRA SPECIAL	Protects your heart	prevents constipation	Blocks diarrhea	Improves lung capacity	Cushions joints
WHITE DIAMOND	Combats cancer	Controls blood pressure	Saves your eyesight	Shields against Alzheimer's	Slows aging process
BLUE LABEL	Aids digestion	Lowers cholesterol	Protects your heart	Stabilizes blood sugar	Guards against liver disease
DOUBLE DISTILLED	Battles diabetes	Lowers cholesterol	Helps stops strokes	Controls blood pressure	Smoothes skin
OLD RESERVE	Protects your heart	Quiets a cough	Strengthens bones	Controls blood pressure	Blocks diarrhea
RITZ	Prevents constipation	Helps hemorrhoids	Lowers cholesterol	Combats cancer	Stabilizes blood sugar
RICHORT	Controls blood pressure	Combats cancer	Strengthens bones	Protects your heart	Aids weight loss
HANNEPIER	Combats cancer	Protects your heart	Stabilizes blood sugar	Boosts memory	Prevents constipation
FRANKLIN	Strengthens bones	Saves eyesight	Combats cancer	Protects your heart	Controls blood pressure
VSO	Combats cancer	Prevents constipation	Promotes weight loss	Protects your heart	Helps hemorrhoids
GALLERY	Saves eyesight	Controls blood pressure	Lowers cholesterol	Combats cancer	Supports immune system
RED RUM	Saves eyesight	Protects your heart	Prevents constipation	Combats cancer	Promotes weight loss
DARK RUM	Protects against Prostate Cancer	Combats Breast Cancer	Strengthens bones	Banishes bruises	Guards against heart disease
HANSEN	Protects your heart	Combats Cancer	Ends insomnia	Slows aging process	Shields against Alzheimer's
BLACK WHITE	Promotes weight loss	Protects your heart	Lowers cholesterol	Combats Cancer	Controls blood pressure
RED LABEL	Aids digestion	Soothes sore throat	Clears sinuses	Combats Cancer	Boosts immune system
BLACK LABEL	Promotes weight loss	Helps stops strokes	Lowers cholesterol	Combats Cancer	Controls blood pressure
GOLD LABEL	Protects your heart	Boosts memory	Protects your heart	Combats Cancer	Supports immune system
CHIVAS REGAL	Aids digestion	Battles diabetes	Protects your heart	Improves mental health	Boosts immune system
GRANTS	Lowers cholesterol	Controls blood pressure	Combats cancer	kills bacteria	Fights fungus
GREEN LABEL	Protects against heart attacks	Promotes Weight loss	Helps stops strokes	Combats Prostate Cancer	Lowers cholesterol
REMUS MARTIN	saves eyesight	Conquers kidney stones	Combats cancer	Enhances blood flow	Protects your heart
V&A	Combats cancer	Protects your heart	Helps stops strokes	Promotes Weight loss	Kills bacteria
NAPOLEON	Heals wounds	Aids digestion	Guards against ulcers	Increases energy	Fights allergies
MENDIS	Combats cancer	Protects your heart	Controls blood pressure	Smoothes skin	Stops scurvy
LEMON GIN	Combats cancer	Protects your heart	Controls blood pressure	Smoothes skin	Stops scurvy
ORANGE GIN	Combats cancer	Boosts memory	Regulates thyroid	aids digestion	Shields against Alzheimer's
WHITE GIN	Controls blood pressure	Lowers cholesterol	Kills bacteria	Combats cancer	Strengthens bones
DRY GIN	Lowers cholesterol	Combats cancer	Battles diabetes	prevents constipation	Smoothes skin
CLASIC RUM	Protects your heart	Promotes Weight loss	Combats cancer	Battles diabetes	Smoothes skin
VODKA	Reduce risk of heart attack	Combats cancer	Kills bacteria	Lowers cholesterol	Fights fungus
SMIRNOFF	Supports immune systems	Combats cancer	Protects your heart	Straightens respiration
GALETINE	prevents constipation	Combats cancer	Helps stops strokes	aids digestion	Helps hemorrhoids
GOLD COIN	Protects against heart disease	Promotes Weight loss	Combats Prostate Cancer	Lowers cholesterol	Aggravates diverticulitis
BACARDI	Strengthens bones	Relieves colds	Aids digestion	Dissolves warts	Blocks diarrhea
WHITE RUM	Slows aging process	prevents constipation	boosts memory	Lowers cholesterol	Protects against heart disease
ILICITY ARACK	Protects your heart	Battles diabetes	Conquers kidney stones	Combats cancer	Helps stops strokes
POT ARRACK	Combats cancer	Protects your heart

1 LINE HUMOUR

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

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Overconfidence

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.


The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,


"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.


The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."




"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.


The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.


"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
.
.
.
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

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