YOU WANT TO READ JOKES(VEG & NON-VEG)? YOU WANT SOME STORIES, YOU WANT SOME OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR LIFESTYLE? YOU LOVE TO SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES? YOU WANT TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS? THAN, YOU CAN STOP YOURSELF HERE AND START HAVING FUN...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
NEWTON'S LAWS OF ROMANCE
BENEFITS OF DRINKING
| DCSL EXTRA SPECIAL | Protects your heart | prevents constipation | Blocks diarrhea | Improves lung capacity | Cushions joints |
| WHITE DIAMOND | Combats cancer | Controls blood pressure | Saves your eyesight | Shields against Alzheimer's | Slows aging process |
| BLUE LABEL | Aids digestion | Lowers cholesterol | Protects your heart | Stabilizes blood sugar | Guards against liver disease |
| DOUBLE DISTILLED | Battles diabetes | Lowers cholesterol | Helps stops strokes | Controls blood pressure | Smoothes skin |
| OLD RESERVE | Protects your heart | Quiets a cough | Strengthens bones | Controls blood pressure | Blocks diarrhea |
| RITZ | Prevents constipation | Helps hemorrhoids | Lowers cholesterol | Combats cancer | Stabilizes blood sugar |
| RICHORT | Controls blood pressure | Combats cancer | Strengthens bones | Protects your heart | Aids weight loss |
| HANNEPIER | Combats cancer | Protects your heart | Stabilizes blood sugar | Boosts memory | Prevents constipation |
| FRANKLIN | Strengthens bones | Saves eyesight | Combats cancer | Protects your heart | Controls blood pressure |
| VSO | Combats cancer | Prevents constipation | Promotes weight loss | Protects your heart | Helps hemorrhoids |
| GALLERY | Saves eyesight | Controls blood pressure | Lowers cholesterol | Combats cancer | Supports immune system |
| RED RUM | Saves eyesight | Protects your heart | Prevents constipation | Combats cancer | Promotes weight loss |
| DARK RUM | Protects against Prostate Cancer | Combats Breast Cancer | Strengthens bones | Banishes bruises | Guards against heart disease |
| HANSEN | Protects your heart | Combats Cancer | Ends insomnia | Slows aging process | Shields against Alzheimer's |
| BLACK WHITE | Promotes weight loss | Protects your heart | Lowers cholesterol | Combats Cancer | Controls blood pressure |
| RED LABEL | Aids digestion | Soothes sore throat | Clears sinuses | Combats Cancer | Boosts immune system |
| BLACK LABEL | Promotes weight loss | Helps stops strokes | Lowers cholesterol | Combats Cancer | Controls blood pressure |
| GOLD LABEL | Protects your heart | Boosts memory | Protects your heart | Combats Cancer | Supports immune system |
| CHIVAS REGAL | Aids digestion | Battles diabetes | Protects your heart | Improves mental health | Boosts immune system |
| GRANTS | Lowers cholesterol | Controls blood pressure | Combats cancer | kills bacteria | Fights fungus |
| GREEN LABEL | Protects against heart attacks | Promotes Weight loss | Helps stops strokes | Combats Prostate Cancer | Lowers cholesterol |
| REMUS MARTIN | saves eyesight | Conquers kidney stones | Combats cancer | Enhances blood flow | Protects your heart |
| V&A | Combats cancer | Protects your heart | Helps stops strokes | Promotes Weight loss | Kills bacteria |
| NAPOLEON | Heals wounds | Aids digestion | Guards against ulcers | Increases energy | Fights allergies |
| MENDIS | Combats cancer | Protects your heart | Controls blood pressure | Smoothes skin | Stops scurvy |
| LEMON GIN | Combats cancer | Protects your heart | Controls blood pressure | Smoothes skin | Stops scurvy |
| ORANGE GIN | Combats cancer | Boosts memory | Regulates thyroid | aids digestion | Shields against Alzheimer's |
| WHITE GIN | Controls blood pressure | Lowers cholesterol | Kills bacteria | Combats cancer | Strengthens bones |
| DRY GIN | Lowers cholesterol | Combats cancer | Battles diabetes | prevents constipation | Smoothes skin |
| CLASIC RUM | Protects your heart | Promotes Weight loss | Combats cancer | Battles diabetes | Smoothes skin |
| VODKA | Reduce risk of heart attack | Combats cancer | Kills bacteria | Lowers cholesterol | Fights fungus |
| SMIRNOFF | Supports immune systems | Combats cancer | Protects your heart | Straightens respiration |
|
| GALETINE | prevents constipation | Combats cancer | Helps stops strokes | aids digestion | Helps hemorrhoids |
| GOLD COIN | Protects against heart disease | Promotes Weight loss | Combats Prostate Cancer | Lowers cholesterol | Aggravates |
| BACARDI | Strengthens bones | Relieves colds | Aids digestion | Dissolves warts | Blocks diarrhea |
| WHITE RUM | Slows aging process | prevents constipation | boosts memory | Lowers cholesterol | Protects against heart disease |
| ILICITY ARACK | Protects your heart | Battles diabetes | Conquers kidney stones | Combats cancer | Helps stops strokes |
| POT ARRACK | Combats cancer | Protects your heart |
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
1 LINE HUMOUR
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
Overconfidence
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
.
.
.
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Funny Story - WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY
Presenting one more small & funny story...
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up onthat morning..
I went downstairs for breakfasthoping my wife would be pleasant and say,'Happy Birthday!',and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,she barely said good morning,let alone ' Happy Birthday.'
I thought....
Well, that's marriage for you,but the kids...They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfastand didn't say a word..So when I left for the office,I felt pretty lowand somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,my secretary Jane said,'Good Morning Boss,and by the wayHappy Birthday ! 'It felt a little betterthat at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,when Jane knocked on my doorand said, 'You know,It's such a beautiful day outside,and it is your Birthday,what do you say we go out to lunch,just you and me..'I said, 'Thanks, Jane,that's the greatest thingI've heard all day.Let's go !'
We went to lunch.But we didn't gowhere we normally would go.She chose instead at a quiet bistrowith a private table.We had two martinis eachand I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,Jane said, 'You know,It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office,Do We ?'
I responded,'I guess not.What do you have in mind ?'She said,'Let's drop by my apartment,it's just around the corner..'
After arriving at her apartment,Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind,I'm going to step into the bedroomfor just a moment.I'll be right back.''Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,after a couple of minutes,she came outcarrying a huge birthday cake ...Followedby my wife,my kids,and dozens of my friendsand co-workers,all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch... Naked.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
FOUR WIVES
He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.
He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.
Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.
One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me.. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"
Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.
Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"
Moral : Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives
B. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
C. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
D. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.
Guess what?
It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.
Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.
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Thursday, February 12, 2009
TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA
INDIAN : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) GOVT. : What are you doing in Business?
INDIAN : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) GOVT. : From where are you getting Goods?
INDIAN : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) GOVT. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
INDIAN : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) GOVT. : How do you distribute profit ?
INDIAN : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax
6) GOVT. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
INDIAN : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
7) GOVT. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
8) GOVT. : Do you have Staff?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
9) GOVT. : Doing business in Millions?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
INDIAN : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
10) GOVT. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
INDIAN : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
11) GOVT.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
INDIAN : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
12) GOVT.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
13) GOVT.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
14) GOVT.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
INDIAN : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
15) GOVT.: Do you have any Wealth?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
16) GOVT..: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
INDIAN : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
17) GOVT.: Have you purchased House?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
18) GOVT.: How you Travel?
INDIAN : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
19) GOVT.: Any Additional Tax?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE
CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
20) GOVT.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
INDIAN : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
21) INDIAN : can i die now??
GOVT : Wait! we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX!!!
LESSONS TO BE LEARNT FROM MARWADIS
God & Marwadi...!!
A Marwadi having no child, no money, no home, and have a blind mother, prays to God.
God being happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish!
Marwadi : I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child's hands in our new home!
God : Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Marwadi's
Lessons learnt from the above story:-Compile all requirements and present in one line rather boring appraiser for long time.
Monday, January 5, 2009
EMOTIONS SAVES RELATIONSHIPS
Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Priya's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook
With Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: 'Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your
marriage life. When there'ssomething happy and memorable happened in
your new life,
put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line.
The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done
the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back
after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a
great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted ..... and so on...
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.
They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty
people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Priya talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I
decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you
really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the
saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend
it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Priya thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and
planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked,
and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and
happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She
left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the
money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya. She found a new
deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice
how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've
brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.
I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the
good years in their life.
"When you fall, in any way,
Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where
you slipped.
Life is about correcting mistakes."
At Last got frm Harbhajan
